


call my name as i walk in memories

by orphan_account



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Crying, M/M, Suicide, a fuckton of crying, and its all from kevin, based off of red thread by oneus, im sorry, kevin centric as always, theres also mention of... yk.... suicide, this is part of the bittersweet melodies but its not really bittersweet, well near the end it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28617006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: in which kevin cant stop thinking of him after he had seen him fade away right in front of his eyes.
Relationships: Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	call my name as i walk in memories

**Author's Note:**

> hi this was mentioned in the tags but! this is part of the bittersweet melodies series except it isnt really bittersweet imo. also!! please please please read the trigger warnings below, i dont want to trigger anyone. do not read if you are not comfortable with them.
> 
> TW // d**th, s*icide, overd*se, bl**d, c*tting

_close your eyes in this empty road, wandering as the wind blows._

kevin didnt know what went wrong. why didnt he tell him? why didnt he tell him that he wasnt feeling well, why didnt he reach out for help? they were soulmates, they were able to laugh together, smile together, everything was perfect. but that ghost in the back of jacobs head had taken over, and now he was dead. _fuck,_ jacob was dead. why couldnt he have helped? he closed his eyes, burying them into the heels of his palms as he blamed himself once again.

_will i hear you? call my name as i walk in memories. you will find out, its all fate._

he couldnt help but think of what they used to have. all the coffee dates, all the rainy days, everything. they were fated to grow old together, together forever, but that couldnt be. how much had jacob hid from him? surely it had to be a lot of it drive him to do... that. who even sold him the pills? kevin would kill them if it meant that it would bring the other back. but he supposed that the older was living in misery, and so if this made him happy, then so be it, then kevin would live without him until they would be able to meet again. yet, at the same time, he wanted to hear his name pass by those lips just one last time before he let him go.

_ill follow the thread, wandering in this maze. even if it takes a while, i will get you._

kevin would wait forever if he had. he wouldve waited forever for the other to be happy, and he would wait forever to be with him once again. he felt like he was trapped in his own thoughts, a labyrinth that would last his life to escape. he knew that his one true escape was jacob, and suddenly, he understood that suffocating feeling of not knowing where to go.

_dont worry, you and me, fate will come._

if they were fated to be together forever, then wouldnt they meet again in their next life? mayhaps the afterlife, if they werent to be born again. kevin shouldnt be worrying this much, it wasnt like there was anything he couldve done to stop the other from dying. even so, he felt... lonely, trapped, helpless. is this what the other felt like too?

_its you, baby its you. its you, only one, you._

jacob was kevins other half for as long as they knew one another. he couldnt have anyone else, they were destined to be together, the universe fated them to be by each others side. there wasnt anything kevin could do, everyone had another person, and if he was to feel miserable 'till the day they meet again, then so be it. he could wait.

_if this is the last time, i will fix the broken thread for you._

mayhaps jacob just didnt feel a connection, thought that the universe was wrong and put him with the wrong person. maybe thats why he left, because he thought it wouldnt break kevins heart. _but it did,_ oh, it hurt so bad. he would fix whatever it was that he did wrong, he would, if he was given the chance to do so.

_ill come to meet you, along the red thread._

if fate had led them to one another, then maybe he would soon follow in his footsteps. he wouldnt mind, he just wanted to be by his side again, because he _missed him._ he felt like nothing without him, as if jacob had brought his heart with him. ripped it out of his chest as he slowly faded away.

_our promised season is coming. stronger than we thought, we will never break._

kevin still felt the connection. he still felt drawn to the other, though maybe thats because he was so miserable. maybe thats because he was so miserable, pathetic, he couldnt live without that boy. he had doubted such a thing before, thinking that although it would sting, he would understand if jacob had left him. but not like this, no. he realized that he was wrong. of course it stung, but no, no, no, no way he would get over him. he would let his own body shut down to be with him again.

_before our happy memories start slowly fading away, it will all end, our story._

kevin didnt want to think that this was the end. but it was, it was, because although they were meant for one another, they were so drastically different. who knew that his sun would want to burn out quicker than meant to be? who knew that his flower would be willing to let their petals wither? jacob was his sun, and he was his moon. but now, his sun was gone, and his world felt cold, cold, colder than usual.

_ill run as hard as i can, i will shine on you, i will be a lighthouse that shines only on you._

if he asked, kein couldve tried his best to be the light to jacobs dark, dark world. but the moon doesnt give enough light in the nighttime, this he had learned when he saw the life fade away from his lover. he waited to cry. he waited to cry, because he knew that the other wouldnt want him to cry over him. so he waited until he got home, burying himself beneath his covers and crying as loud as possible, hoping that from wherever he was, jacob would be able to hear him.

_its been decided, you and me, we'll become one._

kevin had only been considering it more and more, leaving this cold and rough earth. no one cared for how he felt like the other did, and he started to understand that was because the older didnt want him to feel like how he did. but now there was no one to drag him out of this deep hole, his only source of life had faded to gray, and now he sat in the dark and thought of going after who had already disappeared.

_its you, baby its you. its you, only one you. if this is the last time, i will fix the broken thread for you. ill come to meet you along the red thread._

all his thoughts started to jumble together. he couldnt think properly, all of the words he wanted to say to himself in this dreaded room getting stuck in his throat and mixed around in his mind. so, he only cried more and more. it was the only thing he could do. its not like he could bring the other back from the dead, no one could.

_dont let my hand go, dont cut this thread. in this pitch darkness, ill come to find you again someday. ill hug you then, so i can make you feel. come back to me, are we fated to meet again?_

they were. kevin could feel it in his heart, his mind, his soul, all of them were drawing him towards the same path just so he could be with him once again. he didnt blame them, because thats all what the other owned. jacob owned his heart, his soul, he was the only one on his mind, he was everything to him. and now, his everything was gone, taken away from him at the cost of this cruel life.

_even if its tangled, we'll solve it. following the white light, im coming to you._

kevin stood up with a sigh. he couldnt live like this anymore. he walked with shaky legs, past the bathroom, past the living room, to the kitchen. he grabbed a knife, holding against his wrist and slowly digging, digging, digging into his skin. at least it made him feel again, and he was already crying enough. it didnt feel as bad as people made it out to be.

_for me, its just you for me, its just you, me without you along the red thread. for me, its just you for me, its just you, me without you, i am nothing._

kevin could feel the blood dripping from his wrists, but it didnt make him stop. more, more and more cuts littered his arms. he could feel himself getting dizzy, the life fading away from his body. he liked the feeling, knowing he would be with the other again. he was nothing without jacob, because jacob was his everything.

_its you, baby its you. its you, only be you. if this is the last time, ill fix the broken thread for you. im coming to meet you now, along the red thread._

"jacob, jacob, jacob," he whispered to himself, now laying on the floor. he was too weak now, his vision blurring if he wasnt closing his eyes. "im coming to you, wait for me."

and he slipped away, seeing black for a few seconds before he opened his eyes once again. he smiled, reaching his arms forward to hug the one in front of him.

"im sorry i couldnt have helped you." kevin mumbled into his neck, not wanting to let go in fear that he would seep away again. he didnt, he stayed. they were together again, because they were meant to be, the red thread had led kevin to jacob and jacob to him, they would always be by each others side.

**Author's Note:**

> uh wow. wow. idk what im doing why am i so SAD.


End file.
